Okay, now I'm going to have a venting post... yes I'm just going to fucking vent because I'm a bit peeved right now.

1.) I've had the flu... fuck the flu.
2.) I cannot wait until I don't have to have stupid room mates; sometimes they amaze me ... I mentioned I'm sick, I was asleep this morning at 9:15 getting rest to get well again, and one of them starts running the fucking vacuum cleaner!!! AT 9 SOMETHING IN THE MORNING! Now, usually I'm up by then, but I'VE GOT THE FUCKING FLU BITCHES.
3.) Those bastards, including the cops, on campus who issue parking tickets can all go to hell.
4.) Room mate problem # 2 -- let's not whine all the fucking time!! SHIT, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, YOU AREN'T 3, YOU'RE 18.
5.) This weather sucks and it's flooding my front yard.
6.) One of my tires keeps deflating. Fuck my tire too!
7.) KEEP THE FUCKING THERMOSTAT ON 73 DEGREES F. IF YOU'RE COLD PUT ON SOME DAMN CLOTHES ... YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WEARING THAT ANYWAY. NO BUSINESS!

Ok ... I promise I'm not going to vent on Blog de Lauren anymore. It's just built up over time and I figured better to vent on here where people have a choice to read it than to my best friend or my mom when they have enough problems of their own to deal with. Yes mine are very minuscule and I should be thankful for those to be my only problems right now... still venting though.

Battle of My Life

A wonderful curse;
It keeps you hanging on.
The vibe of expectations
Lingers all around.
From malnutrition
To self-infliction;
You’re never good enough.
You passed a building
As its light burned out;
Reminds you of yourself.
Your light burned out
After obeying the compliant
Voice within.
Redemption is sought for now
Whether wrong or right.
You’ll deal with the pain
And win wars in your brain
Just to achieve your sweet nothing.

My Name Isn't Common, YES!!!

I find this pretty awesome:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 9 people with my name in the U.S.A. how/'>http://howmanyofme.com">How many have your name?

My Feelings Completely

Not knowing whether to cry or vomit,
Evaluations are difficult.
Everything is so over-done and overrated,
Yet I fall victim every time.
Clumsy and naïve,
I’ve hurt my insides;
Fractured myself.
Gravity has pulled me down
When I was too weak to stand.
My body’s collapsed after
“Letting it all go”.
Momentarily that bottle’s emptiness
Brings me familiar, dangerous security.
Momentarily that weightless, white escape
Eliminates my worry.
In the end more than what I wanted to disappear,
Has been lost.

-LEI

It is too early in the morning for me to be posting anything, or even be awake in my opinion. The reason I'm up at such a dreadful hour is because I have to go to the gym to burn off all of my "munchies" calories from last night. For everyone who is against smoking weed: get over yourself and work on ridding that insecurity telling you that weed is a product of hell. If you don't like it, then don't smoke it and shut the hell up. Okay, now that I have that out of my system... last night: got high with two friends and watched the newest Texas Chainsaw Massacre then a bit of Family Guy. Now I believe that Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning is one of those movies that I personally would've been disgusted by if sober last night. On the contrary, I was under the influence and therefore appreciated the movie on the level which I believe the makers of the film intended. Rather than thinking "holy shit, I can't believe what I'm seeing" during gore scenes, I thought to myself about how much intricate detail was involved with the making of the scene and how much effort the special effects artist put forth for that extra mind-deceiving appearance of the mutilated flesh and, at times, gushing blood. It was a great film. Then as for Family Guy: Must I really say more than comic genious?

A movie that I've seen twice now in theatres is Children of Men. This film had me on the edge of my seat at times, evoked tears in my eyes, made me laugh, then brought out my repulse toward man-kind all within two hours. When watching the film, please ignore the small loose ends that make the film incohesive at times. This film takes today's current events and shoves them into viewers' faces, forcing them to realize what's going on overseas, the severity of pollutants to Earth, the idiocy of disputing against stem-cell research, and other issues. Okay plus Clive Owen is the protagonist ... that makes any film worth watching.

Okay time to get slim in the gym. Perhaps I'll post something worth your while later.

Today was this semester's first day of classes and I'm actually glad. I regret not putting forth any effort toward my schoolwork last semester; I obviously didn't learn much and therefore waisted my time and defeated my entire reason for being in college. I decided about a week ago that from now on I am going to begin taking myself more seriously, taking pride in who I am, and stop allowing myself to drift from my way of living or my beliefs. I have not yet truely developed a sense of my personal identity and that bothers me, even though I am only 18. I'm sick of my procrastination and excuses I make up that prevents me from doing what I intend. Life is too short to waste time.

There's no doubt in my mind that I have the qualities it takes to be successful in life but I do doubt myself sometimes. During these moments of self-doubt I feel worthless, talentless, and goalless. The truth is, however, quite the opposite; I just haven't expressed myself as I should have in the past. No more, though.

This is obviously my first post; actually, this post isn't going to be good because I'm exhausted (plus I took some sleeping pills) and it's 3:15 am. My blog's quality can only progress from here...